An Epicly Bad Tale of Cho and Draco
by Ariana Malfoy- Lestrange
Summary: An Epicly Bad Tale of Cho and Draco, in four acts...insanity reigns, blatant fanon is flaunted along with the injuries of many shippers...Draco is irritated that everybody thinks he's gay, Cho bakes...and what does Harry Winston have to do with it all?


Author's Notes: Hey, guess what? This was sitting in my computer, gathering dust, so I dragged it out, and dusted it off…ta da! Shippers, bashers, people in general, don't take offense at this work, 'tis not meant to offend.

Disclaimer: I do not, own Harry Potter, or the Epicly Bad Tale, first birthed by the lovely Seren, who is ElianeFraser on here, if you want to read the original R/Hr EBT, which is hysterical. I also don't own Cat, or any of the other stuff here, pretty much. ;)

* * *

A Variation of an Epicly Bad Tale by Seren- Cho Chang/Draco Malfoy style.

Prologue (in which the situation is explained):

_Cho and Draco, are a couple years out of Hog, with Cho working as a Healer in St.Mungo's, and Draco is…not working, because he can live off his dead father's money. And don't ask me to explain why Draco is not A. Evil, B. A Death Eater, C. In Azkaban, or D. Dead._ _It's too late (or early in the morning, shall we say), and I can't think of any good plot background. So sue me. Oh, and I need not apologize for any blatant out-of-characterness…it's my fic, and it's fanon! l::laughsevily::_

_Cameos are as followed:_

_From Accio Firebolt: Seren, FBF, Rianna_

_Sylvia- that would be moi, merci beaucoup!_

_Vivienne - my big sis_

_Audrey- my insane BETA_

_Cat- from Breakfast at Tiffany's_

**Act Une- In Which it is an Eventful Friday **

Scene One: Malfoy Manor

**Cho**: ::snores::

**Draco**: ::shivers::

**Cho**: ::wakes up because Cat is on her head::

**Draco**: ::glares at Cho::

**Cho**: ::looks affronted, and grumpy, seeing as it's 6:30am:: WHAT?

**Draco**: ::grabs covers from her:: Cover-hogger. I froze my pretty ass off all night, missy.

**Draco fangirls**: It's pretty, all right! ::swoon::

**Cho**: ::rolls her eyes and gets out of bed::

**Cat**: ::meows::

**Vivienne**: ::squeals:: Kitty! ::scoops up Cat, and cuddles::

**Draco**: ::sneezes::

**Sylvia**: ::hands him a tissue::

**Draco**: Danks. ::blows his nose::

Scene Two- Still Malfoy Manor

**Cho**: ::brushes her teeth::

**Draco**: ::comes in, and goes over to his large collection of hair care products::

**Draco fangirls**: ::whip out pen and paper, and begin jotting down the ones he doesn't have, so they can FedEx it to him::

**Cho**: ::rinses, and stares at Draco for a moment, as he squeezes who-knows-what on his head:: Draco?

**Draco**: ::too preoccupied in staring at his godly self to give a non-monosyllabic answer:: Mmmhhmm?

**Cho**: ::hesitates, but plunges on:: Are you gay? Because if you are…then I should pre-order A Guide to being a Happy Homosexual for Christmas…

**Draco**: ::stares at her in utter shock::

**Draco/Harry shippers**: Yes! Here it comes…

**Sylvia**: ::shushes them::

**Draco/Harry shippers**: But, they're meant to be! They are, they are!

**Rianna**: ::throws dry chocolate ice at them::

**Sylvia**: ::brings out a threatening looking sledgehammer::

**Draco/Harry shippers**: ::fall silent::

**Draco**: I am not! How dare you!

**Draco/Harry shippers**: ::look mournful, but still hopeful:: Ah, don't worry! You will remember it before the end.

**Gandalf**: Hey, that's my line, but twisted! ::indignant::

**Sylvia**: ::shooes Gandalf away, and seals the D/H shippers mouths' close::

**Cho**: ::shrugs:: I'm not the one who spends two hours on my hair alone…

**Draco**: ::miffed:: Haven't you ever heard of a metrosexual before?

**Cho**: ::mutely shakes her head::

**Draco**: ::hands her a Muggle copy of GQ magazine::

**Cho**: ::takes one look through it, and hands it back:: Riiiiighhhhttt…

**Draco**: If I swung on the other side of the tree, could I snog like this? ::snogs Cho::

**Cho**: ::is being snogged, so cannot answer::

**Cho/Harry shippers**: Ahh! Mine eyes! ::cover their eyes::

**Anti Cho/Harry**: Mwahahahaha! That's what you get!

**Sylvia**: ::indignant:: Hey, you shush! ::smacks them with the If Not Harry, Then Why Not Draco?flag she made::

**Seren**: ::doots::

**Act Deux: In Which They Go Off to their Respective Workplaces (or not workplaces, if you're Draco)**

Scene Three: Malfoy Manor, again

**Draco**: ::looks broodingly out a window::

**Fangirls**: ::sigh::

**Cat**: ::meow::

**Vivienne**: SQUEE!

**Draco**: ::sneezes and turns to Author:: Hey, you!

**Sylvia**: ::is surprised:: What?

**Draco**: What I am supposed to do now?

**Fangirl #1**: Kiss me! ::faints, and the other fangirls don't bother to catch her::

**Sylvia**: ::glares at fangirls:: Oy, stop it. The only one Draco'll be kissing is Cho.

**Draco/Harry shippers**: ::mouths still sealed:: Buuuwhaaaabuarry?

**Draco/Ginny shippers**: No! Ginny! Romeo and Juliet!

**Audrey**: ::waves her D/G flag::

**Draco/Hermione shippers**: Hermione! Hermione! Not Cho! Hermione!

**Ron/Hermione shippers**: Noooo! Hermione belongs with Ron, don't you read the books?

**Harry/Hermione shippers**: She's just trying to trick us! Hermione and Harry all the way!

**Rianna**: ::chokes on convenience:: Deluded. DELUDED!

**FBF**: INCEST!

**Seren**: ::waves white flag:: Hey, this story is about Cho and Draco, remember?

**Pansy**: ::walks in smugly:: Draco'll marry me in canon because I'm a pureblood. And Slytherin. So boo-ya! ::does that little finger-snappy thing::

**All Draco shippers**: ::fall silent::

**Draco/Ginny shipper #1**: Did she say…?

**Draco/Hermione shipper #1**: …_Canon?_

**Draco/Harry shippers**: ::grimace because they can't talk::

**Draco/Ginny #2**: Eww. Eww. Eww. EWW!

**Draco/Hermione shippers**: I know, totally!

**Draco/Ginny shipper #3**: We'd better take her out, before she does any more destruction to such a blatantly fanon story.

**All Draco shippers**: ::nod, and carry Pansy out::

**Pansy**: Nooooooooooooo!

**Seren**: ::laughs evily::

**Sylvia**: ::sighs in relief:: Thank goodness they're gone…

**Draco**: ::smirks:: They all love me. I am truly a Slytherin Sex God.

**Fangirls**: You are! You are! ::swoon::

**Sylvia**: Stop being so egotistical, you.

**Draco**: But, but that's what I do! I am egotistical! I am! I am!

**Sylvia**: ::rolls eyes:: Come on, get on with the storyline.

**Draco**: ::pouts, and goes back to staring broodingly out of the window::

**Cat**: ::meow::

**Vivienne**: SQUEE!

**Draco**: Fine. NOW TELL ME WHAT I'M SUPPOSED TO DO, WOMAN! ::shakes Sylvia::

**Sylvia**: ::zaps Draco::

**Seren**: ::doots::

**Draco**: ::screams in agony::

Scene Four: St. Mungo's

**Cho**: ::brings little old lady her lunch::

**Little Old Lady**: BROWNIES! ::laughs manically::

**Cho**: No, Mrs. Smithkin, they are not- ::is interrupted by a large gray owl flying in through the window, and pecking at her head::

**Anti Cho people**: Hahaha! Bint! Die, die!

**Sylvia**: ::sets them on fire::

**Pro Cho people**: Mwhahahahaha!

**Cho**: WTF?

**Owl** : ::hoots::

**Cho**: ::unties letter::

**Owl**: ::hoots::

**Cho**: ::reads letter::

**Nosy people**: ::crane over, and try to read over her shoulder::

**Cho**: Hey!

**Nosy people**: ::shrug innocently::

**Cho**: ::sigh:: Draco wants me to meet him at Le Canard tonight for dinner.

**Audrey**: Le Canard? The Duck? WTF?

**Sylvia**: ::shushes Audrey::

**Draco/Cho shippers**: Yes! Say yes!

**Cho**: ::glares at shippers:: What else would I say?

**Other Draco shippers**: How about…no?

**Audrey**: D/G forever! Mwahahahaha!

**FBF**: I hear you, sister! ::gives Audrey a high five::

**Cho**: ::shakes her head, and writes back::

**Little Old Lady**: ::still laughs manically::

**Seren**: ::takes a brownie::

**Act Trois: In Which They Dine at Le Canard**

Scene Five: Le Canard

**Draco**: ::eats like a starved person::

**Cho**: ::looks at him like he's crazy::

**Diner #1**: This is delicious.

**Diner #2**: Have you tried the escargot here?

**Diner #1**: No, actually, I haven't. But have you had-

**Sylvia**: ::sets them on fire:: Get out! You're not in this story!

**Diner #3**: ::looks over at the two people set on fire next to her:: I'll think I'll have that, Waiter. What kind of flambéed is it?

**Waiter**: Fish, I think.

**Cho**: ::looks around the room:: Oh, wow. There are a lot of Hogwarts alumni here tonight. Look, there's Ron and Hermione…

**R/Hr shippers**: YESSSSS!!!!!!!! EVEN IN FANON, BABY!

**H/Hr shippers**: No! It's a trick! A plot twist! A plot device! She misspelled Harry's name!

**Sylvia**: I did not!

**Rianna**: In denial…

**Cho**: ::continues:: Dean and Orla…

**Seren and FBF**: YAY for the HMS Royal Roots! ::waves D/O flag::

**Draco**: ::eats::

**Cho**: Ginny, and Blaise…

::silence among the shippers::

**Seren**: ::digs back in the HMMS WATT archives:: It's a rowboat.

**Shippers**: ::knowingly:: Oh, okay.

**D/G shippers**: No! Not Ginny/Blaise! Ginny/Draco! Fire and ice! Romeo and Juliet! The light and the dark!

**D/H shippers**: ::whose mouths have suddenly become unsealed:: Hey! The last metaphor was OURS!

**D/Hr shippers**: Leather Librarians! Leather Librarians!

**D/G shippers**: ::ignore D/H shippers:: But, soft! what light through yonder window breaks?/It is the east, and Juliet is the sun.

**Sylvia**: SHUT UP!

**Seren**: ::goes off to find her copy of World Book Day Chat to beat the D/Hr shippers with::

**Draco**: ::consumes::

**Cho**: ::sighs::

**Draco**: ::finally finishes:: Waiter! Check.

**Waiter**: 'ere oo go, Mo-sie-eerr. Ma-foy.

**Draco**: ::irritated:: Stop talking in a bad fake French accent

**Waiter**: Right, sorry then. ::goes away::

**Draco**: ::searches his pockets:: Hey, where's my wallet?

**Fangirls**: ::shrug innocently as they clip a couple of locks of hair with cuticle scissors::

**Draco**: DON'T TOUCH THE HAIR! ::goes ballistic::

**Fangirls**: ::sigh:: He's so hot when he's angry.

**Seren**: ::hits Draco hard with a frying pan::

**Draco**: Ow!

**FBF**: Oh, shush, you totally deserved it.

**Draco**: Did not! ::pouts::

**Sylvia**: …a little thing called plotline? Or lack of one?

**Draco**: Oh, yeah. ::goes back to searching::

**Cho**: ::waits patiently::

**Draco**: ::still searches::

**Cho**: ::taps her foot::

**Draco**: ::begins to get hot::

**Fangirls**: What are you talking about? He's been hot the whole FREAKING time!

**Sylvia**: ::sigh of annoyance:: Not that kind of hot…like embarrassed hot.

**Fangirls**: Oh.

**Draco**: ::finally stops:: Um, Cho?

**Cho**: Yes, Draco?

**Draco**: I forgot my wallet at home.

**Cho**: I'll just charge it to the Gringott's Account then.

**Draco**: ::shrugs:: Okay with me.

**Feminists around the world**: YES! A step for women everywhere! The Man doesn't always have to pay anymore! And you don't have to go Dutch either! ::hands Cho a This is What a Feminist Looks Like t-shirt, and hands Draco a My Wife is a Feminist t-shirt::

**Draco**: Why is the 'm' in Man capitalized?

**Feminists**: Because it represents the chauvinistic, self-centered, Man who oppresses woman's rights.

**Draco**: Riiiggghhhttt… ::looks at the t-shirt:: Uh, I'm not married to her.

**Fangirls, and Draco/other shippers**: YES!

**People with slightly more Puritanical values**: You're not married to her? But you're living with her?

**Draco**: Yes.

**People with slightly more Puritanical values**: ::exchange looks:: Are you engaged?

**Draco**: No.

**People with slightly more Puritanical values**: ::exchange even more looks:: Are you planning on getting engaged?

**Draco**: ::thinks for a minute:: No.

**Cho**: ::gives a slight gasp, and stands up:: You…you never planned on asking me to marry you?

**Draco**: ::thinks for another minute:: No.

**Cho**: ::in a very high voice:: Oh. Right, then. ::she exits out of the restaurant absolutely furious::

**Draco**: ::stares after her:: What did I do?

**Love-savvy girls**: ::shake their heads mournfully:: Tactless.

**D/G shippers**: YES, YES, YES! Go on, Draco, Ginny's right there…tell her how much you love her!

**Draco**: ::stares at D/G shippers:: But I don't love her. I hate her.

**D/G shippers**: But underneath the current of hate, there is love!

**Draco**: ::gives them an odd look:: Er, no. I don't go for redheads anyways.

**Draco/any member of the Weasley family shippers**: Awwww…

**D/Hr shippers**: Ha! We knew it! Hermione!

**Draco**: ::gives them an odder look:: Didn't any of you read J.K. Rowling's World Book Day Chat?

**Seren**: ::holds up a copy:: I did, I did!

**D/H shippers**: There is hope for Harry! There is, there is!

**Draco**: ::repulsed:: A. Potty is my worst enemy. B. I don't swing on that side of the tree. WHAT IS IT WITH PEOPLE THINKING I'M GAY? ::storms out irritated::

**D/H shippers**: sighs In denial.

**Rianna**: Hey, that's our catchphrase!

**D/H shippers**: It's not copyrighted, is it?

**Rianna**: …no.

**D/H shippers**: THEN WE CAN USE IT TOO! Mwahahahahahaha!

**Rianna**: ::hunts for more dry chocolate ice to throw at them::

**FBF**: ::thinks about copyrighting the " In Denial" phrase::

**Seren**: ::doots and takes some white Belgium chocolate::

**Waiter**: Hey, he never paid?!?

Scene Six: Malfoy Manor:

**Cho**: ::slams front door and goes into the bedroom::

**Draco**: ::arrives shortly after and slams the front door::

**Door**: STOP SLAMMING ME, DAMMIT!

**Draco**: ::looks surprised the door is talking:: WTF?

**Sylvia**: Don't ask.

**Draco**: Wasn't going to…

**Cho**: ::stalks out of the bedroom with her pajamas on, and goes into the kitchen, and starts opening, and closing cabinets. Loudly::

**Draco**: ::watches her:: What are you doing?

**Cho**: ::open SLAM!:: Baking. ::SLAM! pot::

**Draco**: …why?

**Cho**: Because I want to. ::close SLAM!::

**Draco**:…right. ::watches her some more:: Is this what you would do when you got mad at Diggory?

**Cho**: Cedric wasn't alive long enough for me to get mad at him

**Cho/Cedric shippers**: Tell us about it!

**Anti Cho bashers**: Ha! There she goes again, wallowing in self-misery. Oh, Cedric died, boo hoo.

**Cho-supporters**: SHUT UP! You would wallow in misery too, if your significant other suddenly up and got murdered by some evil overlord.

**Anti Cho bashers**: ::consider it:: Maybe.

**Draco**: ::waves flag:: Hello? This story is about MOI, let's get back to the plotline.

**Sylvia**: Or lack of one.

**Draco**: Whatever she says.

**Seren**: ::plays with Cat::

**Vivienne**: MY kitty! ::grabs Cat away from Seren, smooshing the poor thing::

**Random, Nit-Picky People**: Is 'smooshing' a word?

**FBF**: Now it is.

**Seren**: ::gives Vivienne an odd look, and shrugs::

**FBF**: ::waves Let's Get Back to the Story flag::

**Draco**: Listen to the smart woman! So we can discuss more about, you know, ME. ::all people who are tired of him being so blatantly egotistical glare at him:: In the story, of course.

::a burning smell soon pervades the kitchen::

**Cho**: Ahh! My muffins! ::runs to save the muffins:: I hate all of you people!

**Everybody Else**:…why?

**Cho**: Because while you were arguing about, well, you know, everything, I let my muffins over bake! ::sends everybody a death look::

**FBF**: Um, I think that's the least of your problems, dearie…

**Cho**: Why do you say that?

**FBF**: Because there's a bomb in the second cupboard from the left!

**Cho**: A bomb?

**Draco**: A bomb?

**Everybody Else**:…why?

**FBF**: ::groans:: PLOT TWIST, people. It was getting too stale.

Everybody Else: Oh. AHHHHHHHH! ::all run around like chickens with their heads cut off::

**Seren**: ::sighs, and deprograms the bomb::

**Everybody Else**: ::stops running:: Hey, how'd you do that?

**Seren**: Because I'm impossibly brilliant, that's why.

**Everybody Else**: Oh.

**Sylvia**:…okay, people? Can we get back to the storyline? Like, rewind up until Cho starts banging those pots. Just forget everything else…

**Rianna**: ::makes annoying rewinding sound for effects::

**Everybody Else**: :: waits patiently::

**Rianna**: ::stops::

**Cho**: ::continues to bang pots and throws things into a big mixing bowl::

**Draco**: ::watches her:: What are you making?

**Cho**: Sugar cookies.

**Random Person**: I thought it was muffins?

**Sylvia**: WHATEVER!

**Cho**: Fine. Muffins.

**Draco**: Why?

**Cho**: Because I'm dealing with my adult relationship issues in a way that is healthy, and non-violent. ::says thus in a fluffy pink bunny of sarcasm kind of way::

**Draco**: ::like your annoying little brother:: Why?

**Cho**: Why what?

**Draco**: Why are you dealing with your adult relationship issues in a way that is healthy, and non-violent?

**Cho**: Because the kind psychiatrist tells me so! ::in a tune remarkably similar to " Jesus Loves Me, This I Know"::

**Draco**: Why?

**Cho**: Because that's her job.

**Draco**: Why?

**Cho**: Because she wants to do it for a living.

**Draco**: Why?

**Cho**: Because she likes it?

**Draco**: Why?

**Cho**: Because she does?

**Draco**: Why?

**Cho**: I'm not doing this anymore. ::tosses off baking mitts::

**Draco**: Why?

**Cho**: BECAUSE. I'm going to bed.

**Draco**: ::yawns:: You know, I am tired…

**Cho**: ::slams bedroom door, then opens it a crack to toss out a pillow and a blanket::

**Draco**: ::gets hit on the head with the pillow:: Hey! WTF? ::comprehension dawns:: Oh, no…

**Men Who Have Had to Spend a Night on the Couch**: Sorry, man. Tough luck. ::pat Draco on the back sympathetically::

**Draco**: What did I do wrong?

**FBF**: Everything.

**Love-savvy girls**: Yup. ::mournfully::

**Draco**: Oh. Darn. Well, how do I get my nice warm bed back?

**FBF**: Well…there's nothing you can do about it now, but suck it up. Tomorrow, you can go to Harry Winston and buy her the biggest diamond you can find.

**Rianna**: And some roses.

**Seren**: Chocolate…

**Draco**: …you want me to propose to her?

**Draco/Cho shippers**: Well, DUH!

**Draco**: Oh.

**Other Draco/other shippers**: ::all hold their breaths::

**Draco**: ::shrugs:: Okay.

**Draco/Cho shippers**: YAY! ::do a celebratory jig::

**Other Draco/other shippers**: ::make a face::

**Draco/Hermione shipper #1**: Oh well…he could leave her at the altar…for Hermione…

**Draco/Ginny shippers**: You mean Ginny, of course.

**Draco/Harry shippers**: HARRY!

**Lone Draco/Giant Squid shipper**: Or, the Giant Squid, of course.

**All Draco shippers**: ::go silent::

**Lone Draco/Giant Squid shipper**: What? It's possible. ::men in white suits drag the poor shipper to the nice padded room…::

**FBF**: Alrighty then…

**Rianna**: Get to bed, you!

**Draco**: Me?

**Rianna**: Yes, you!

**Draco**: …why?

**Rianna**: Well, you can't propose to a girl looking like crap, can you?

**Draco**: ::affronted:: I NEVER look like crap.

**Fangirls**: This is true!

**Sylvia**: ::rubs her temples:: Be silent!

**Everybody Else**: ::is silent::

**Seren**: ::doots::

**Draco**: …Okay, then. To bed I go. ::plops his pillow down and falls asleep instantly::

**Fangirls**: ::sigh:: Oh, he's so innocent when he's sleeping. Like Sleeping Beauty.

**Seren**: ::gives them an odd look::

**Fangirls**: What? It's so true…but he's, you know, prettier than Sleeping Beauty.

**Rianna**: ::tastes the muffin batter:: Not bad.

**FBF**: ::makes herself a cup of tea::

**Cat**: ::meows::

**Draco**: ::sneezes in his sleep::

**Act Quatre: In Which Draco Tries to Woo Cho**

Scene Seven: Malfoy Manor, still

**Rooster**: ::crows::

**Draco**: ::wakes up:: WTF? We're not on a farm!

**Man Holding a Pitchfork**: We're not?!

**FBF**: ::hands him a Starbucks grande latte:: Come on, we've got to get shopping!

**Caffeine Addicts Everywhere**: ::start salivating at the word " Starbucks"::

**Draco**: ::groans:: But…I haven't had time to look in the mirror yet!

**Fangirls**: ::reassuringly:: You look fine. Really fine.

**Draco**: ::preens:: Do you really think so?

**Fangirls**: HELL YES!

**Rianna**: ::waves a threatening fire poker::

**Random Person**: Hey, is that hot?

**Rianna**: ::checks it:: No…

**Random Person**: So why is it threatening?

**Rianna**:…because it's a fire poker. And it's in MY hands.

**Random Person**: Okay, that's cool…::runs away::

**Draco**: Okay, okay, we can go…

**Seren**: ::doots::

Scene Eight: At Harry Winston, oogling sparkly things…

**FBF**: Wow, look at that one! The color! The shape! The size! The cut! Robbie, darling, are you taking good notes?

**Robert Patterson**: Of course, sweetheart. I worship the ground you tread upon, of course I would buy you whatever your little heart desires. ::smiles a I'm-so-hot smile::

**FBF**: ::sigh::

**Draco**: That's MY trademark smile!

**Fangirls**: ::indignantly:: Yeah!

**FBF**: Oh, calm down. You're just jealous. ::sticks out her tongue::

**Fangirls**: Point taken. ::go back to trying on tiaras::

**Draco:** So, which one do you think she would like?

**FBF**: The biggest one.

**Rianna**: The most expensive.

**Draco/Harry shippers**: ::sulkily:: None of them.

**Draco/Ginny shippers**: Yeah!

**Draco/Cho shippers**: Oh, SHUT UP. HE'S NOT GOING TO GET WITH HERMIONE, HARRY, OR GINNY IN THIS FIC! DEAL! MOVE ON!

**Audrey**: ::applauds::

**Sylvia**: JUST CHOOSE ALREADY! Though the pink sapphire is rather pretty…

**Audrey**: What about that one? Yes, the one right over there. It looks like the one from Phantom of the Opera!

**Draco**: …so?

**Audrey**: …you can't go wrong with Phantom of the Opera. It's impossible.

**Draco**: What IS Phantom of the Opera?

**Audrey**: ::starts a two hour long synopsis with songs included::

**Random Person**: Hey, you hit that note higher than Emmy Rossum!

**Audrey**: ::modestly:: I know. I'm only two notes below Sarah Brightman's range.

**FBF**: ::tries a ring on:: What do you think of this one?

**Draco**: That one?

**FBF**: Yes, this one.

**Draco**:…it's the size of a small mammal…

**FBF**: Exactly.

**Draco**: No way. She'd tip over.

**Anti Cho bashers**: Good…

**Cho-supporter #1**: ::throws a big heavy paperweight at them::

**Anti Cho bashers**: OW!

**FBF**: No, she wouldn't. ::puts it back reluctantly::

**Seren**: ::gallomps about the store decked in about 8 million dollars worth of diamonds and pearls::

**Draco**: I thought we were in England?

**FBF**: We're not. We're in New York, but only for Harry Winston.

**Draco**: Oh. ::looks in the glass display cases:: What about that one?

::FBF and Rianna exchange looks::

**FBF**: That one?

**Rianna**: That one?

**FBF**: But it's not…

**Rianna**: Well, it's not…

**FBF**: Very big.

**Draco**: Well, I think 9 carats will do just fine. ::sarcastically::

**FBF**: Oh, fine. I suppose it'll do. ::looks longingly at the 16 carat emerald::

**Seren**: ::tries on an antique Swiss baroness's diadem::

Scene Nine: Malfoy Manor

**Rianna**: So you have everything planned out?

**Draco**: Yes. When she walks through the door, she'll be led by a trail of candles and red rose petals to the front balcony, where she will find moi, holding a single red rose, inside is the ring, I propose, and voila! We have an engagement.

**FBF**: ::appreciatively:: Nice.

**Seren**: ::guards the closet which she has locked up all the shippers and fangirls in, by orders of Sylvia::

**Cat**: ::meows::

**Sylvia**: Shush.

**Vivienne**: ::cuddles Cat::

**Audrey**: ::looks at the time:: She'll be home soon.

**Draco**: Right, I'm going to put the ring in the rose right now…

::suddenly, a key is heard in the lock::

::all movement stops in horror::

**Draco**: ::in a whisper:: Oh ye gods…she's home early! ::loses his head, and drops the ring in the muffin batter::

**FBF**: Oh no!

::the doorknob turns…everybody dives for hiding spots, Draco, to the balcony, FBF behind the curtain, Seren under the couch, Vivienne and Cat in the pantry, Audrey under the table, Rianna in a linen closet and Sylvia behind the door::

**Cho**: ::walks in:: Anybody home?

::all are silent::

**Cho**: Hmm. ::puts her keys on the table, spots muffin batter:: Oh, I forgot…might as well put it in the oven right now. ::puts it in the oven, after separating batter into little trays::

::all watch in horror::

::oven timer dings, because wizarding ovens are super-fast::

**Cho**: ::takes out tray:: Smells good…::picks one up, and eats it:: Oooo, it's really- aht. Aht. Aht. ::begins to choke::

**FBF**: ::groans::

**Seren**: ::covers her eyes::

**Anti Cho bashers**: YES! SWEET DEATH! DIE!

**Sylvia**: ::banishes them to a black hole::

**Cho-supporters**: YAY! ::do a celebratory jig::

**Draco**: ::rushes in:: Cho? Are you all right?

**Rianna**: Does she look alright?!?

**Cho**: ::turns purple, andgags especially hard...and the ring comes flying out, hitting Draco smack dab on the forehead, causing him to fall over::

**Draco**: Ow!

**Cho**: ::breathes::

**Seren**: ::peeks::

**Audrey**: She lives!

**Draco**: ::sits up, looking dazed:: Ow. Are you okay?

**Cho**: ::breathes more:: I think.

::silence::

**Cho**: ::laughs::

**Draco**: ::affronted:: What?

**Cho**: You have a really big bruise on your head.

**Draco**: That's not funny! ::rubs his head tenderly::

**Cho**: ::shakes her head::

::another silence::

**Draco**: Um, Cho?

**Cho**: Yeah?

**Draco**: Can I have a redo?

**Cho**: Of what?

**Draco**: The whole proposing thing.

**Cho**: Proposing? What? Oh, that was a ring? I thought it was an oversized blueberry or something!

**Draco**: ::hands over the ring:: See?

**Cho**:…It's really beautiful.

**Draco**: Yeah. I was supposed to have this whole thing set up…with rose petals, and candles, and you know, mushy stuff. _Romantic_ stuff. But, I guess I'm not good at that sort of stuff. ::looks down at the floor::

**Cho**: ::is quiet:: You know, Draco, I don't care how you propose to me at all. As long as you do it. And you did…so…

**Draco**: But what about the whole fairy tale romance thing? The big diamonds, and the dozens of roses? What about the fact that girls plan their proposements and their wedding days ever since they can talk?

**Cho**: ::shrugs:: Well, yes, but that doesn't really have anything thing to do with it, you know.

**Draco**: Oh.

**Cho**: ::smiles::

**Draco**: Well, then, what's your answer?

**Cho**: I don't know, you haven't asked me anything.

**Draco**: Oh yeah…::at frenzied gesturing from FBF, he gets down on one knee, and wipes off the ring, and then holds it out:: Cho, will you marry me?

**Cho**: Why, I thought you would never ask…::she kneels too, so they're at eye level, gently touching Draco's face:: Yes, I _will_ marry you, Draco.

**FBF**: ::squeals::

**Draco**: ::he slips the ring onto her finger:: And now…we kiss, don't we? Just like in the books.

**Cho:** Exactly. ::she leans closer::

**Draco**: And what happens after that?

**Cho**: ::she pauses to consider it:: Well…we live happily ever after, of course.

::they kiss and a series of things happen at once- the shippers in the closet twitch with revulsion, except for the Draco/Cho shippers, who are leaping in silent ecstasy, the fangirls sob their eyes out, Vivienne squeezes Cat, FBF sighs in happiness, Rianna smiles smugly, Audrey hums " That's All I Ask of You," Sylvia sighs in utter relief and slumps against the wall, and Seren gags from the fluffy ending::

THE END


End file.
